Starting anew

Just trying to write this, I feel guilty and disappointed in myself.  I won't let it stop me, though, because I want to start fresh, restart my habits, and push through like a trooper.  Once I decided that I was going to go back to school, everything besides school and family just became mud - stuff that slowed me down and distracted me and had no purpose or value in the big picture.  Only after the semester ended and I sat down with no school work to distract me did I realize the absurdity of my evaluations.

For the sake of my own sanity, I defend my full concentration on school based on the fact that I am taking 6 classes each semester (including this Spring 2014) for a total of 18 credit hours which is pretty demanding.  Although I realized the disappointment I have in myself when I do nothing but family and school, I don't regret my choice to be fully immersed in my first semester back.  Walking away with a 4.0 GPA and the knowledge from my experience, I now know what luxuries I can afford and how to best balance my school/home/self life.

It's time to pay more attention to myself.  I know that can sound selfish, but it's not at all.  I dedicated  the last 3+ years to focusing on growing, birthing, and raising my amazing son and becoming a wife to my loving husband, wedding planning included.  Slowly, as Baby Fox continues to grow, Papa Fox and I are coming out of our shells and learning how to be ourselves and how to be married and how to be adults and parents all at the same time.  As the new year embarks, it seems I have so much to look forward to and I don't want to feel like I missed out or that I should have done more.

No one said this would be easy, and it certainly isn't at times, and yet, it can be so effortless at other times.  Regardless, I want to be a living example for my son and I want to be an amazing wife for my husband while simultaneously pursuing goals and achieving dreams for myself.  Giving attention to myself is for more than just myself because it's for my future, Baby Fox's future, Papa Fox's future, and for all the hopes and dreams that we all share as a family.

So I'm back.  To the best of my ability.  I may not be back often and I may not be the model citizen I had hoped to be when I started this journey some time ago, but I'm not giving up.  For now, that's all I need to get started.